11/09/2017

Why I think Suicide !

...Suicide, could be an easy way out,
it is a battle everyday to not give in,
I am in living hell on earth.

Upbringing of just escape, no one cared or helped.
Trauma after trauma, have to deal with all myself.
Got married for all the wrong reason early and young,
we got three kids, tried my best until I had to leave,
was worse for the kids having parents mad at each other.

After many years alone just escaping,
finally came out of my bubble,
being more of my true self,
fate stepped in again
meet true love,
first time ever in my life,
I felt as coming home,
short from getting married,
I was complete.
Ended up in me loosing everything,
hope, faith, life and my soul.
Came down to just deceit and lies,
used me for my heart and grand love.

It broke me down, laying on the floor
concussion, tried suicied
now out of my mind, just dead inside.
By grace of fate, I manage to snap back,
everything around me just gone,
nothing of my former self or life,
contact with my kids all gone,

 My life is down now to nothing,
alone and close to destitute on sick pension.
Dont know if I want to breathe anymore.
Trying hard to find funds to escape,
not even have plates to eat on,
cant take me anywhere, just haunted.
Cant buy anything, clothes on my back falling,
on sick pension, cant restart at all,
trying hard get a sens of meaning to my life.

 have dysthymia and over creative soul,
heart on my sleeves, so all is pure hell,
with a home that missing the necessary to cook n eat,
no chance to escape to feel home and breathe,
Dont even have a tv, vacumcleaner or even a micro etc etc etc
Cant have the kids over for nothing,
soon my only escape is gaming,
but no strength to even stream atm,
all piling up on each other, killing me slowly...

No chances for me to work,
no chances for loans,
cant do nothing without your help !