11/21/2017

My day to day life

...things that people take for granted, I do not have.
I sit in my miserable state of mind alone,
cornered in an apartment full of broken dreams,
everything just falling apart,
all is broken down cant be used no more,
empty cupboards, no utensils to cook,
no tv, micro, vacumecleaner
one pair of pants and shoes,
not even plates to eat on.
Each day is my last breath.

All this because of my last relationship breakup,
took 10 years after I divorced that I started dating again,
This new girl became nothing but trouble,
broke my heart, mind and soul after a year.
Its been 2 years of pure hell sens that moment,
I just let everything go, lost everything !
All from what i own to family and friends, Im alone.

Took all my strength to finally deal with it all,
get over it and back on my feet,
now standing in a life of ash.

Now on sick pension thats barely takes care of living,
nothing you can restart a life with,
rebuild a home starting all from scratch.
my obesity came back with vengeance,
year of hard daily workout of just wasted
No friends or social life, alone in it all.

Have Dysthymia, known as persistent depressive disorder,
plus tons of other symptoms from all of this.
Something I just have to live with by the doctors,
Nothing in Sweden that helps with solutions.
Have no creditscore, so loans in any form is out.
There is no chance of ever go back to working.
Have no luck in gambling or something like that.
I totally refuse to cheat or steal.

On top of all that have 3 kids before,
that has to see me break down to nothing,
so much anxiety just piling up from my past.

Gaming for over 40+ years to escape,
battle my bad upbringing, bullied and traumas
Only thing that really helped and still do.
But even this cant do now, have no solid ground,
cant continue any passions at all.

This is why Im asking for help & donations
restart my life and rebuild my home,
also build up my stream setup.
Streaming & Youtubing is my only escape
that helps my everyday life
also my only form to earn a living.
Not doing it for fame, its who I am,
love to stream and share adventures with all,
even my own life struggles, to help others !