11/16/2017

Living in the game

....I have lived in the darkness for my whole life,
all though have 3 great amazing kids, Im still a very lost man.
Grow up under the 70s and 80s, bullied, alone and outcast.
One to many traumas and close deaths
and a society barley begun understand psychology.
So was left to deal with this all on my own, no kid should.
The game revolution came and was a blessing from the skies.
Besides the few movies and tv one could see,
home computers and consoles open up the ultimate escape.
I have played games and been active for over 40+ years,
Ive even been a lead level designer, but life has not been kind on me.
I stepped out to be more of my true self, broke the bubble,
I manage to go from major obesity to muscle toned body,
I finally had it all, going to re-marry, life was perfect,
but came crashing down,
it broke my heart and soul to the point of no return,
Ive stopped dreaming, I have stopped wanting to live at all.

Im sitting in ashes and dust, have nothing left.
All came back with a vengeance.
Now further back than ever before, even obesity.
All that just because I loved to much, gave to much.

Im on sick pension and with dysthymia,
All I have left is my love for gaming,
my one and only escape.
Im alone, no social network or friends,
no social life to even speak of.
So hard these days,
have no solid ground to stand on,
my home is just missing to much,.
clothes, tv, micro not even a vacuum cleaner.
not even plates to eat on or necessities to cook.
Cant afford the camera and microphones etc
to have a decent stream quality.
As my life is in disarray,
the strength to go on is not there,
the only thing that kept me afloat,
is now also slowly disapering.

 Im not doing this to get fame,
Im doing it because its my life, its who I am ! My Dream !
Play Games and share it, stream IRL and more.
brings purpose and life to my dark world,
a chance to restart my life, please help

You can help, please donate,
would mean a restart for my life, thanks !