12/15/2016

Openletter Gaming Industry


...born into a world of dreams,
reaching far where we no man gone before,
the race to reach the moon,
my upbringing lined with near deaths, traumas
and bulling without anyhelp, drew me into my own fantasy.
As long as I can remember living elsewhere was my reality.
Started of just building little spaceships with two chairs,
blanket and handdrawn boxes with controls, going into space.
 And then came the start of tv games, our first console Pong.
The explosion and revolution to come was a never ending high,
benching trough consoles such as Philips, coleco and Atari 2800.
Then Atari came to our town and open up there doors,
was something magical entering sitting down on Atari 400 & 800.
Particular starting up my first text adventure games, blow my mind.
I could be somewhere else and I could move and talk back (write) to it,
reacted of what I was inputting.
After owning every single model of atari up to ST, I switched to
Commodore Amiga, came and blow us away with graphics and stereo sound,
also a for ever ongoing flood of adventure gaming in many shapes and forms.
All from Infocom text adventures to quest and dungeons games.
A never ending escape from reality.
In a sens it was my only best loyal friend.
Later in life, eventually reality bites you in the ass,
gone trough years after years of therapy,
ongoin problems with life, countless setbacks,
inbetween had some good moments getting to co-produce
a tv-show reviewing games on swedish television, never done before.
Also landed being lead level designer for a 3d viking game,
but as always taken away from me, nothing I did, but just fate
showing the cake and hiding it away again, back into misery.
Still battling severe depression, anxiety,  self hatred and self-doubt.
40+ years later, still trying to just stay afloat going trough life,
basically diagnosed with untreatedble forms of depression, anxieties etc
Living of sick pension and just have to live with it, coop as best as I can.
Gaming, youtube and social media is a sens my only social life I have these days.
And now technology cought up with me and past me,
I can not keep up with the costs of having better hardware
to continue be part of the worlds I used to.
All from making youtube clips to stream gaming or just escape into
the amazing new worlds you now are creating.
Thats why Ive been trying to reach out to you all.
gaming was my life, my escape, my cure,
it has passed as cost to much these days,
why Ive tried to reach funds to continue,
now Im just giving up,
can you help me to go on ??